'After we lost our baby, I didn’t know how to talk about it'

When dad Jamie O’Toole said goodbye to his baby son, Milo, he thought his world had ended.

In the months after the funeral, Jamie admits he struggled to talk to even close friends and family about his heartache.

But it was an invitation from Claire House Children’s Hospice, which had supported him through the birth and the death of his son, that changed everything. 

Today, on International Men's Day, Jamie shares how Claire House gave him a lifeline when he least expected it.

He says: “We lost our son Milo when he was only 11 days old.

“In those first 12 months, I felt quite isolated and alone. It was difficult to speak to family and friends. And some people tend to forget. So, I really struggled.

“Claire House supported us throughout. Alex [Wheeler, from the charity] kept asking me to play golf with some of the dads, even though I hadn’t played for 20 years. I didn’t even own a set of clubs anymore!”

Claire House, which has a hospice in Wirral and a Liverpool site in West Derby, cares for seriously and terminally ill babies, children and young adults across Merseyside and beyond. It also supports dads like Jamie by offering support groups, such as its Parent’s Golf Group, as an alternative to counselling and therapy sessions.

At first, Jamie, 40, was sceptical – how could swinging a golf club help with the pain of losing a child?

But after heading to the driving range, Jamie discovered the course could be a place to connect with other parents in a similar situation.

“I entered my first Claire House golf event in April 2024, which was more than a year after Milo died in August 2022.

“Obviously, I was apprehensive. I wasn't very good, but neither were most of the lads there, so I fitted in quite well!” laughs Jamie, who is an advanced clinical practitioner from Aughton.

“I think it's more difficult for men to open up. I found the group really useful for that. You can talk to dads who have been through similar things and help others.

“I feel proud to be there, representing Claire House. For me, playing golf and doing the corporate charity golf days keeps my son’s memory alive.

“I really like having a chat, telling people about Milo and talking about how much the group helps a lot of dads to keep going and keep talking.

“It’s really supported me. I wasn't in a great place, and I can quite happily say that today I’m feeling a lot better about life and am looking forward to things a lot more.”

Earlier this year, Jamie bravely delivered a speech at the M&S Bank golf day at Carden Park. And he also took to the dance floor at the Claire House does Strictly contest in Liverpool in September, dancing the rumba to raise vital funds for the hospice.

He says: “Strictly gave me a chance to have fun while giving something back. It felt good to do something positive in memory of Milo, as well as playing golf.”

The Claire House Golf Group is run by Alex Wheeler, a therapeutic support worker, who says the sessions are more than playing golf.

“For many dads, grief can feel lonely, especially when they’re expected to ‘be strong.’ On the course, talking is optional, but when they do, it’s a safe place to share, laugh, and know they’re not alone,” he explains.

“People think hospices are all about endings. But so much of what we do is about helping families keep living, even after the worst has happened.

“Thanks to our fantastic supporters and local courses, we’ve been lucky enough to play a selection of amazing courses.”